


Mikaela Banes: Babysitter

by Spoon888



Category: Transformers (Bay Movies), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, But YOU Try Saying No To Starscream, Canon-Typical Violence, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Hatchlings, M/M, Mikaela Definitely Isn't Qualified For This Position, Post-Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:22:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28559028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spoon888/pseuds/Spoon888
Summary: Mikaela Banes is the only person Optimus knows with any babysitting experience. Which makes her the perfect candidate to help watch over the eight tiny, evil, Decepticon spawn that have just arrived at the Autobot base with their newly 'rehabilitated' parents.
Relationships: Mikaela Banes & Optimus Prime, implied Megatron/Starscream
Comments: 28
Kudos: 264





	Mikaela Banes: Babysitter

Mikaela wasn't oblivious to the irony of her low-level security clearance regarding the extraterrestrial lifeforms _she_ was on a first-name basis with.

She tried not to take it personally that the 'higher ups' excluded and often outright snubbed her whenever they could, reasoning to herself that _of course_ Sam was more involved in the day-to-day lives of their friends than her because he ... _owned_ Bumblebee? 

No, that wasn't it. 

Whoever was to blame, at least she knew it wasn't down to Optimus. The only reason she ever knew what was going on was thanks to his charmingly oblivious assumption that she already knew all about their top secret, highly classified, sometimes illegal trips and missions all over the globe. Because apparently, Sam did. 

Not that _he_ ever bothered to tell her. 

"They're settling in well," Optimus told her one crisp autumn evening, parked close enough to her front porch that his low, smooth baritone could rumble soothingly through her chest, warming her. 

"Who are?" She asked, nursing her cocoa and wondering how many more Autobots had landed, and if she'd ever get the chance to meet them. It wasn't like she had the security pass to go and visit the Autobots at the distant, super-secret military bases the army hid them away in. Asides from Bumblebee, she just had to wait for them to come see her. 

That they ever did still surprised her. She'd begun to wonder if maybe one day they might choose to stay. With her. Sam had Bumblebee. Even Lennox had Ironhide.

Maybe Sideswipe? She wouldn't mind being seen out in a Corvette. 

"Megatron and Starscream," Optimus clarified, the names dragged Mikaela violently back to the present. "They have thus far refrained from senseless acts of violence and vandalism, and are becoming accustomed to the presence of humans." 

Mikaela blinked, feeling she'd zoned out of more of this conversation than she'd intended. She pondered the last marshmallow floating in her drink before responding, "So ...there are Autobots called Megatron and Starscream, too?" 

The ground crunched beneath Optimus's tires as he shifted, uncomfortable. "Ah, you have not been told-"

"Told what?" Mikaela set her mug down and rose out of her seat, leaning over the porch railing to glare down at Optimus's grill -she wasn't entirely sure _where_ his optics were but she imagined they'd be somewhere at the front. "Optimus?"

"There is nothing to fear-"

"Oh my God! It's _them_?! Are you kidding me-?" 

Optimus revved his engine -like he was clearing his throat. "Yes, well-"

"You're like, _living_ with Decepticon's now?!" 

Optimus made another uncomfortable noise, clearly squirming under all that plating. 

"I was approached by Megatron some months ago," he explained. "Your government had very little involvement in the negotiations until recently. It seemed ...counterproductive to involve them at such a precarious stage. Megatron does not view them favourably." 

Mikaela had opened her mouth to exclaim that that was probably because Megatron hated _all_ humans and was a complete psycho -when she remembered Hoover Dam. The moment they had walked into that huge freezing room with that great towering thing they'd called NBE-01, numbered like a specimen for experimentation, kept frozen because they must have known he was still alive. 

"Yeah," she said instead, turning to lean back against the railing. "I can guess why." 

She glanced back at Optimus's silent form over her shoulder, "How'd you know you can trust them? Aren't you worried they'll like, shoot you when your back's turned? He killed you before." 

"He did," Optimus rolled a little closer to her, destroying the flower beds at the base of the porch in the process. She didn't have the heart to point his clumsiness out though. "Betrayal is a concern, but unlikely. They are outnumbered, damaged, and have few allies. They also agreed to be disarmed in exchange for fuel and shelter. It seems, with the Fallen gone, their goals have changed. They have other priorities now." 

"What kinda priorities?" She asked curiously, picking up her drink again. It had gone cold. She sighed, tipping it into the bushes. "Getting home?" 

"We have no home. Cybertron is barren and will remain so without the All Spark. A reason why it is so vital we make lasting allies here, with your kind." 

"So we're just gonna let those two crazy, spiky, flying war-machines stay here?" She demanded, anxiety getting the better of her. She cast an eye to the sky, searching. "Everyone's just _okay_ with that?" 

It was harder to forgive and forget when _you_ were one of the persons they had been trying to kill. Mikaela didn't know how Optimus did it- forgive Megatron for _literally_ murdering him. Just because he came back didn't mean it never happened. 

But he was older than her. A lot older. Mikaela knew what grudges could do to people. Seen what hate and resentment did to her mom. She couldn't imagine how much it would twist someone up over millennia. 

"For now, yes," Optimus answered her simply. "They are cooperating with your government. 'Earning their keep' is how Galloway put it. Megatron is prepared to... to do things that I and my Autobots would not." 

"Warcrimes," Mikaela muttered under her breath. 

"Exactly," Optimus agreed, perhaps a little too cheerfully. "However, those duties take them away from the base for lengthy periods."

"At least you get a break, huh?" She smiled at him. 

Optimus didn't chuckle. "Not exactly," he said ominously. 

Mikaela veered away from him a little. In disguise as a vehicle she couldn't see his face to read his staggeringly human-like expressions, but something about the way he was holding himself so tense implied he was about to say something she probably wasn't going to like. 

"What?" She pressed nervously, "What is it?"

"Sam has made mention of previous work you have undertaken." 

Mikaela's mood sank, "What work? Stealing cars?! Really classy, Sam-"

"No, 'Infant-squashing' was the term I believe he used." 

It took Mikaela a full five seconds to translate him. "You mean _babysitting_?" She laughed. 

"He reassured me that the term was not literal," Optimus felt it important to explain to her that he understood what the profession entailed. "And that children are not actively sat on, but merely watched."

"Well I mean, yeah," she smiled at him. "Why? Does someone you know at NEST have kids? I thought it was a classified-personnel-only kinda thing, no families-"

"No human families, you are correct." Optimus rocked on his wheels like he was nodding. "The infants in question are Cybertronian, and therefore unable to be housed anywhere else." 

It didn't compute for a moment, but when it did, it blew Mikaela's world wide open. Her favourite mug slipped from her hand and smashed on the porch at her feet.

"...You guys can have babies?!" 

* * *

  
Optimus wasn't particularly forthcoming with the details of Cybertronian reproduction. Mikaela was disappointed but unsurprised. Optimus broadcasted far too much Awkward Dad energy to ever seem like the kind of guy to openly talk about sex. Or, whatever it was they _did_ to make tiny versions of themselves without the All Spark shortcut. 

Besides, she knew she could count on Ratchet to spill everything and then some as soon as she saw him. 

She was excited to finally be part of things. To have a role among these strange alien robot friends she had made without it actually all being about Sam and her just tagging along for the ride. Even if it was just to babysit. 

"So where'd these kids come from?" She asked, walking across the hanger as quickly as she could so Optimus didn't have to traipse so slowly. He always said he didn't mind, but he had a top speed of one-hundred-and-fifty miles an hour, so it must get at least a little tedious. "Did they arrive in one of your meteors?" 

"As a matter of fact, these are the only Cybertronians to have ever hatched within this solar system." Optimus told her. "A first for our kind." 

Hatched? Mikaela was bombarded with the comedic mental image of a big mech like Ironhide gingerly sat atop a bird's nest. "Huh," she said distantly, "Who ...laid them?" 

Optimus's icy blue optics looked down at her quizzically. Her cheeks felt hot. "...Do you ...lay them?"

They were both, mercifully, rescued from the conversation by the screech and roar of turbine engines overhead. Being a military base, she'd been hearing them since her arrival, but this time it was different; alien, harrowing, multilayered and bombastic. 

Mikaela had to shield her eyes from the glare of the sun as two arrow-shaped figures shot past it, breaking the sound barrier with brutal thunderclap. They dipped and rolled and chased each other through the clouds, performing aerial manoeuvres no human-piloted jet would have found possible. Groups of soldiers had wandered out of the hanger to watch, most of them shaking their heads, glaring-

"Oh dear," Optimus murmured. 

Mikaela glanced back at him and missed whatever had caused the resounding screech of metal rendering in the sky. When she looked up again the distant figures were reforming into jets and shrapnel was falling from the sky. The smaller dropped into a sudden dive, heading at full speed for the base, and with a panicked cacophony of noise the soldiers started shoving each other in their haste for cover. 

"What's-?"

Optimus's hand carefully but swiftly sweep her behind him, seconds before an impact shook the ground so violently she had to clutch his enormous finger to keep from toppling over. A second impact rattled her to her bones before she had even recovered, and suddenly there were clashes and clangs and chunks of tarmac flying-

"Enough!" Optimus's booming voice demanded, and as sudden as it had started, it stopped. 

Mikaela blinked the dust away from her eyes and peaked over the top of Optimus's hand. 

Casting jagged, messy shadows over both her, Optimus, and the entire base, stood the two Decepticons who most often frequented her nightmares - stood frozen, mid slap-fight, tangled in each other's spindly limbs, metal chests heaving and rattling with exertion. 

Mikaela was too small to see their faces. She flinched when Starscream suddenly tore himself free with a spitting hiss and snap of _something_ breaking. He backed away from his deranged leader, towards Optimus, the armour on his back raised like the fur of an aggressive dog, surprisingly light on his feet for a machine that had just left a _crater_ in the runway. 

Megatron's piercing optics darted between Optimus and his first lieutenant impatiently. He released a belly-deep growl like a provoked grizzly bear, long claws hanging threateningly. "This doesn't concern you, Prime-"

"He tried to rip my arm off!" Starscream flung said arm in Megatron's direction, the action shifting his armour. 

Mikaela was almost directly beneath him, and between the thousands of intricate plates and wires on the jet's frame she locked gazes with _something_. She squinted at the two red specks of light peaking out beneath Starscream's armpit. They blinked. 

Mikaela cursed sharply in surprise, drawing Starscream's attention. 

"Ah!" His oily voice exclaimed with surprising eagerness, "You've brought the female." 

Optimus rose to his full height between her and them as Megatron's huge, metal frame groaned and creaked as he lowered it into a crouch. She felt unbalanced, crowded between skyscrapers, but met his unreadable steely gaze bravely. Though she was disturbed by the noticeable chunks missing from his head still. Repairs didn't look like much of a priority to them. "Uh-"

" _This_ is the creature you have chosen to safeguard my young?!" Megatron demanded, baring his jagged teeth at Optimus. 

"Our," Starscream correctly distantly, twisting and shifting and revealing more and more of the tiny parasite-like things Mikeala was beginning in to realise were ...the babies? 

"The hatchlings will eat her alive," Megatron snorted, ignoring Starscream to argue with Optimus, "how do you imagine she'd defend herself-"

Behind him Starscream was diligently shaking tiny robots from his plating. They looked pretty durable, thankfully, because Starscream was letting them tumble to the tarmac from a considerable height. They landed clicking and chittering, scratching at Starscream's long legs to be let back up. 

"-capable of imprinting on any beings, Cybertronian or organic," Optimus was arguing. "The alternative is entrusting them to the care of government officials, who may have their own agenda. Mikeala is one of few civilians we can trust-"

" _You_ trust," Megatron snapped, optics darting to her. "...She looks familiar."

Mikaela shrank away from his gaze. "Yeah, well, how would you know anyways? Don't we humans all look the same to you?" 

Optimus raised an impressed brow at her quick thinking, peering down at her with a newfound sort of appreciation. Mikaela's chest filled with pride enough to burst. 

Megatron's lip curled, but he didn't disagree. "The hatchlings can smell weakness-"

"That would explain why they hate you," Starscream muttered behind them, attempting to extract the last (the eighth) tiny Decepticon from his plating by it's foot. It was clinging, perpendicular, to his throat cabling by it's tiny evil claws. 

Megatron's left optic twitched in clear irritation. Mikaela watched as he leaned into Optimus's space -something the Prime didn't look too appreciative of- and lowered his voice. "...How much longer must I coexist with that idiot?" He demanded. "Shared living quarters are inhumane-"

"Your accommodations are more than adequate, Megatron." Optimus said firmly, and Mikaela got the impression that forcing the two of them into cohabitation was the Autobot's subtle way of punishing them. "If you wish to have your space from Starscream, I'm sure NEST can arrange a cell for you." 

Megatron's armour rose like a bird's feathers would fluff. He snorted like an angry bull and drew away again, casting his optic over Mikaela again. Mikaela did her best to look professional and serious and unmenaced by his attitude, though she wasn't entirely sure she still wanted this job. The 'hatchings' appeared to have teeth. She knew because one had just bitten Starscream. 

"Uh, Optimus?" She patted his ankle nervously, "He could be right on this one."

"It is vital these hatchlings learn to respect human life as early as possible," Optimus implored. "The negative influences they are already being subjected to will be skewering their outlook on humanity-"

"Who has influenced the hatchlings negatively?" Starscream finally made it over to them, trailed by eight angry, nipping, shrieking hatchlings. He sounded unexpectedly concerned. Like a real parent might. 

Standing in place for longer than half a second allowed the tiny Decepticons time enough to start scaling him. Starscream brushed them away gently, almost indulgently, much like an infatuated human-being would with their beloved pet cat, as it clawed and hissed and yowled at them. 

"The humans have," Megatron answered. 

"No," Optimus droned. 

"If anyone is a bad influence it's you," Starscream's optics narrowed at Megatron.

"And The Fallen wasn't?" Megatron thundered. 

Starscream's face -or what parts of it Mikaela recognised as a face- twisted in fury. " _You_ were _dead_ -!"

"That wasn't my fault!" 

It was veering towards's old-married-couple territory, the sort of bickering she'd seen dozen of times before. And to see it happen in two ...evil alien robots? Over their ...kids? It seemed family was family wherever in the universe you came from.

"Oh my God, they're married," she whispered to herself. 

Their hearing was better than anything evolution on this planet hard devised, but neither of them heard her. In fact, Megatron and Starscream had became so distracted in squabbling with each other they seemed to have forgotten she was even there.

They seemed to have forgotten their hatchlings too, as one of them wandered out from beneath Starscream's shadow to clamber over Optimus's foot. Mikaela got her first close look at one. 

Far from cute and fluffy or round and innocent, it took after it's parents too much to ever be considered endearing. It's teeth and talons were exaggeratedly big, it was scrawny and sharp and malformed. Though it was small compared to it's parents, it was already two thirds _her_ size. She realised Megatron was right. They could very well kill her. Easily. Accidentally. 

She stepped back, cautious, but it tipped it's head to one side, curious. It chirped, like a baby bird. 

Something softened inside her. She smiled nervously, whispering a soft, "Hi?"

It chirped again, a happy, pleased note. And suddenly the other seven were stumbling over each other to get to her. 

"Oh my- Optimus!" She called, finding herself surrounded. Optimus tipped his head down to inspect her situation, but didn't seem to find it particularly life-threatening because he did nothing to help her.

"See," he was too busy gloating to Megatron. "She's a natural." 

Megatron growled unhappily. "Don't touch her," he snapped at the hatchling that had extended it's claw to poke at her. "Organics are filthy. You don't know where they've been." 

"Hey!" She protested. It was some insult to be called 'filthy' by a mauled, rusting robot-man missing half-a-head, still covered in sand, and stinking of seaweed, but she managed not to swear him out. Mostly because there were small hatchlings present. 

"We are being deployed to South America in three Earth cycles to assist your government in ...negotiations," Starscream told her primly, snapping his digits to summon the hatchlings back to him. Remarkably, they obeyed with whirs and chattering that sounded almost like excitable squeals. "You will make yourself available to monitor the hatchlings then." 

"Will I?" She folded her arms. 

Starscream blinked, "Is that not what you were brought here for, human?" 

"She is a sentient being, Starscream," Optimus interjected. "I think you'll find Mikaela more agreeable if you were to _ask_ , rather than demand." 

Starscream huffed, "To guard a crèche is an honour-"

"Enough, Starscream. If it were such an honour _you_ would watch them," Megatron growled. 

"But then who would be there to stop you from getting killed, _master?_ "

Optimus dropped into a crouch besides her again, looking weary and apologetic, "I will understand if you would prefer to turn the opportunity down." 

Mikaela waved him off, a unexpected smile forming across her face as she watched Starscream and Megatron continue to argue, each stumbling over the hatchling underfoot, trying to clamber over their toes. 

"I'm not turning it down," she protested. "This is better than cable." 

Optimus made a thoughtful noise, watching them with her as they began to bare their teeth and get in each other's faces, wearing their young like opossums.

"Yes, I suppose it is." 


End file.
